allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
