Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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