I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You were trust falling into bushes
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
