I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
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We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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