There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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