I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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