wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
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Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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