Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
