So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
