I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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