I feel great
I just peed on a car
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
