I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize