shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
