turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
