Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
do herpes really smell.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
