I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This gyro tastes like lonliness
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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