The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
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He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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