I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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