would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
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