I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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