I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
then he tried to convert me to islam
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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