Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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