my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
