I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
