hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
