At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
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I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
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do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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