Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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