he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
