Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
