hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We got so high we made milksteak
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
