I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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