Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
