every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
