I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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