You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
