never play flip cup with pint glasses
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
