Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
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