You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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