did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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