Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
