3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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