it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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