it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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