Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
