this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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