i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
