I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
