Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
