Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
