Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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