you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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