she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
