I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
