the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
