I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i drank out of a bidet.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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