Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
