do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
