Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
