If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
