if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
